Another year, another birthday..

Steven says:
*Alicia, You're going to be 19 this year. Although you've hit the age where your dad won't lay a finger on you anymore, you must realise that your actions will still cause him the heartbreak to make him want to. Remember to stay true to your roots, you're actions pave the way to YOUR future. Although you may think that thinking about the future gets you no where, it is actually living for the
*moment that gets you no where. Without setting yourself a goal to attain, you cannot achieve it. You work towards the future by approaching it one bit at a time.
*From now on, you have no one else to blame but yourself. There will be no boyfriend that you can say distracted you, well, there was really never me to distract you dear. In the end, your friends cannot live your life and bear your pain, so the dissapointments you feel from now on will be the cause of your own discipline and state of mind, body & soul.
*I hope this year will be the start of many great things to come for you,

Regards,

Steven.


This was over or about a year ago and yes, I still have it. I don't know if god is punishing me or something but 3/5 years that we have been together, near the time of my birthday is when we're fighting or not together. I'm a bit of a believer in horoscopes and it just so happens that you and I are opposites. You're a Capricorn and I am a Cancerian, notice that they're the tropics of the northern and southern hemispheres? Lol right. We are very compatible but can clash at any given time, all we need is a balance and we'd be invincible. Reminds me of Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck.. ok back to the point.

GOD. I don't mean to use your name in vein but WHY does it happen? January, is the first month of the year and June is the sixth month. In the middle is the end of March and the start of April, and oh boy, do we argue a lot in April, hence why I dislike it a lot. February is when we're the happiest and in love but somewhere.. towards the end of March we become a bit distant. You know why? I BLAME UNIVERSITY SEMESTER ONE. I don't know. You say we go around in circles, well, I say let's stop these circles by putting an end to it and changing what's wrong. Simple as that. Easier said than done but it's true.

Relationships get comfortable, quote Wong Fu - Strangers, again "It's not bad but it's not good, some couples continue to build a better relationship by making change, others just choose the easy way out and break up." Something along the lines of that.. but it's true. In order for it to work, you've got to keep trying to make it work.

I don't want to give up on you, I don't want to give up on us.

I understand that you need your time and space to sort yourself out, because at the moment you're quite lost and confused. I just don't get why I would fall into that category.. I was certain that I was on your "I'm certain" list. Where you are sure and want to be with me, like you said you wanted to be.. for the rest of your life in the first email you sent to me five years ago.

Man... it freaking sucks. I know you've told me to focus on me, and I am, but I'd rather focus on you. My time, my feelings, my love, my everything, on you.

At the end of the day, I don't know what to do or what to believe in.
Put my feelings aside and focus on myself? And just let what happens happen? If it's meant to be then it's meant to be? I used to believe in that so much.. but now, it's so hard to believe. Why should I believe it when you're confused, about everything including me.. I'm afraid of losing you or that you will find someone else.. I don't want you with anyone else but me. Selfish but that's what I want. I try to believe that we'll get back together soon, but I don't want to get my hopes up because expectations lead to disappointment so I don't want to think about it. Only time will tell the way that it goes..

I still want to be with you,
I still want to commit to a relationship with you, our long-term relationship.
I still believe that you are the one for me, regardless of what others say,
I still miss you every second, of every minute, of every day, in my heart.
I still want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side,
I still love you,
With all of my heart.

Life goes on, the world and time stops for no one..