Mother DOES know best.
I've just got to let it go.
Think before I act. (Post without anger, tears etc.)
Be a better person, for myself and those around me.
Looking forward to new and good changes in 2012:
> Study hard, ACE all my units
> Work experience
> New car :)
Until then:
> Study for Micro supp
> Stay out of the sun
> Stay healthy and fit!
Signing off for 2011.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
SUMMER.
TODAY
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Mother knows best?
Had a dnm with mum tonight when I got home from work. It was good, well most of it. She brought up my hot temper/attitude as of late/usual and also mentioned the boyfriend. I know she's only looking out for me, and only wants what's best for me. She doesn't want to see me hurting like I did all those months ago..
I just wonder if I'm still blaming myself for what I did and as a result of that I've just shrugged off those "insert thoughts" because of it. You know, letting everything slide simply because of what I did. Most likely I still am, at the back of head.
"Does it compare to what I've done?" No, not really.
Speaking of comparing, my mum compared my relationship to my cousin's relationship, as in her love life. Gosh, I'm only 20, they're one/two years older than me/us. Freaking sigh, Idfag tbh, compare me to others all you want.
This is my life that I get to live, and I want to be happy. You just haven't seen me truly happy yet, which is correct. In all honesty, I'm still not completely happy, with everything in my life. I just hope that it is soon.
I can't believe how weak I am at the moment. F.
I've been holding in a lot of my feelings lately. They've only been expressed in either an angry or sarcastic way. Deep down, I am still hurting. Especially about the smallest things and about the things and people who mean most to me.
As of today, the first day of Summer, the first day of December, I will continue to change for the better and live for the better today. I need to calm down, like really calm down. Express my anger through my determination of being able to feel better and feel happier. To be a better person and to be a happier me. Myself being truly happy.
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Am I overreacting? Or am I on to something..
All I just want to do is be with you, cuddle you and just talk to you about us, anything and everything. Lately, well recently, I've felt like all I'm good for is nothing, besides a good meal out in the town on your cheat day. That was how I felt the other night when we were sending each other messages. Sometimes I feel worthless or sometimes unimportant. It hurts me to write how I truly feel here and the way I did in those messages, and to bring it up here. I believe it's important. Sarcastic or not, it was how I truly felt. I know I apologised for the sarcasm and you apologised about the harshness of the things you said. All in all, all that was said was true from both sides..
It annoys me so much that after all these years of being together, I think we still can't fully communicate to each other or tell one another how we truly feel. What are we so afraid of? Hurting each other or the truth? There's still so much work that we need to put in our relationship. (Why do I feel like I've said all this before? *scrolls down blog*)
You mean everything to me. I love you with all my heart. I just want us to be able to talk about everything without a worry, any fear of hurt, or the feeling of being terrified of what you/I will say to each other. I don't want to be scared and I shouldn't be, after everything and all this time, we both shouldn't be. We should be able to confide in each other.
I'm sick and tired of being scared. I don't want him to take any of this out of context or in a wrong way. All I want is for us to be able to confide with one another, honest to each other and actually working on us- properly. I love you Steven.
This song reminds me of him, how I feel and just about us.
'Cause there'd be no sunlight, if I lose you baby.
This song also triggered something je wrote a long time ago, I think before he deleted his old posts on his blog. Something about.. "If only your parents knew how I felt about you, maybe then they'll trust me with you and that you'll be safe with me" - pretty sure it was on his blog.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dislike it when you're on the computer instead of talking to me, especially when I'm over. It makes me wonder - am I really that boring these days? I dislike short messages of any kind, text or fb. I dislike driving most of the time. I like surprises. I like talking to you all the time, any time. I love cake. I love it when you come over to my place. I love you most.
This is my blog, where I can write all the things that I feel and want to say, try to say or can't say.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mother knows best?
Had a dnm with mum tonight when I got home from work. It was good, well most of it. She brought up my hot temper/attitude as of late/usual and also mentioned the boyfriend. I know she's only looking out for me, and only wants what's best for me. She doesn't want to see me hurting like I did all those months ago..
I just wonder if I'm still blaming myself for what I did and as a result of that I've just shrugged off those "insert thoughts" because of it. You know, letting everything slide simply because of what I did. Most likely I still am, at the back of head.
"Does it compare to what I've done?" No, not really.
Speaking of comparing, my mum compared my relationship to my cousin's relationship, as in her love life. Gosh, I'm only 20, they're one/two years older than me/us. Freaking sigh, Idfag tbh, compare me to others all you want.
This is my life that I get to live, and I want to be happy. You just haven't seen me truly happy yet, which is correct. In all honesty, I'm still not completely happy, with everything in my life. I just hope that it is soon.
I can't believe how weak I am at the moment. F.
I've been holding in a lot of my feelings lately. They've only been expressed in either an angry or sarcastic way. Deep down, I am still hurting. Especially about the smallest things and about the things and people who mean most to me.
As of today, the first day of Summer, the first day of December, I will continue to change for the better and live for the better today. I need to calm down, like really calm down. Express my anger through my determination of being able to feel better and feel happier. To be a better person and to be a happier me. Myself being truly happy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Am I overreacting? Or am I on to something..
All I just want to do is be with you, cuddle you and just talk to you about us, anything and everything. Lately, well recently, I've felt like all I'm good for is nothing, besides a good meal out in the town on your cheat day. That was how I felt the other night when we were sending each other messages. Sometimes I feel worthless or sometimes unimportant. It hurts me to write how I truly feel here and the way I did in those messages, and to bring it up here. I believe it's important. Sarcastic or not, it was how I truly felt. I know I apologised for the sarcasm and you apologised about the harshness of the things you said. All in all, all that was said was true from both sides..
It annoys me so much that after all these years of being together, I think we still can't fully communicate to each other or tell one another how we truly feel. What are we so afraid of? Hurting each other or the truth? There's still so much work that we need to put in our relationship. (Why do I feel like I've said all this before? *scrolls down blog*)
You mean everything to me. I love you with all my heart. I just want us to be able to talk about everything without a worry, any fear of hurt, or the feeling of being terrified of what you/I will say to each other. I don't want to be scared and I shouldn't be, after everything and all this time, we both shouldn't be. We should be able to confide in each other.
I'm sick and tired of being scared. I don't want him to take any of this out of context or in a wrong way. All I want is for us to be able to confide with one another, honest to each other and actually working on us- properly. I love you Steven.
This song reminds me of him, how I feel and just about us.
'Cause there'd be no sunlight, if I lose you baby.
This song also triggered something je wrote a long time ago, I think before he deleted his old posts on his blog. Something about.. "If only your parents knew how I felt about you, maybe then they'll trust me with you and that you'll be safe with me" - pretty sure it was on his blog.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dislike it when you're on the computer instead of talking to me, especially when I'm over. It makes me wonder - am I really that boring these days? I dislike short messages of any kind, text or fb. I dislike driving most of the time. I like surprises. I like talking to you all the time, any time. I love cake. I love it when you come over to my place. I love you most.
This is my blog, where I can write all the things that I feel and want to say, try to say or can't say.
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