June 27, 2011. - I haven't been this happy in ages.
Going to lunch with you,
being hugged by you,
kissed by you,
having my hand held by yours,
holding your hand,
being with you,
having you next to me,
you hugging me from behind,
your arms around me,
my arms around you,
the smile on my face,
watching you sleep,
tickling my chin to get me to wake up/stop me from sleeping,
that warm-tingly feeling in me,
more hugs and kisses,
everything slowed down,
nothing else mattered when I was with you,
I have missed you so much.
Thank you for this "birthday present" today.
Today was better than my birthday.
Is it going to last forever? Or was it only for today?
I want it to last forever. Only time will tell.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
20th
(Insert text about birthday/saturday night here. Feeling way to sick at the moment. UGH.)
(Inserts text on June 27, 2011.)
OK. I'll start from the morning of my birthday.
I woke up and got ready to get my dresses altered and steamed pressed. The floral dress needed alterations for High Tea at Duxton Hotel and the red dress needed to be steamed pressed for the night out. I went around to buy last minute things within the hour of waiting for them. 10:45am dresses were done, went home got changed and ready for the High Tea. I left the house at 12pm but I didn't get there until 1pm because I was stuck in traffic, stupid traffic. The High Tea was lots of fun even though 3 of the girls attended. I enjoyed it and it was relaxing.. by the time I left and got home it was almost 4pm.
My parents and I went to pick up my cousin to go to dinner at Sizzlers Innaloo at 5pm. I think that's when I started feeling downhill. We didn't sit down to eat until 5:30pm, I didn't have much of an appetite which was BAD, felt drained, tired and a bit light headed too. Things started to feel rushed and I wasn't feeling too good. My sister-in-law didn't even fit in a drink of water let alone dessert because she was trying to sort out movie tickets etc for us to watch Cars 2 at 6:15/6:30pm. I had planned to fall asleep during the movie but it was just too good, I loved the movie! It finished around.. 8:30pm and we got home around 9pm or just before. I got changed, touched up on the eyeliner and mascara, then the girls came over. We called a taxi that came 15 minutes later which was like wtf. My hair was half done and the taxi driver pressed the horn, sigh.. this was when my heart started to beat faster, I really dislike being rushed.
Left the house around 9:30ish, got to the city around 10pm. (photos, a bit of double black Smirnoff that I hate, some more photos) Got into the club around 11pm. VIP entry, cloak room - my wrist band number was 19. I had turned 20 but the number 19 meant something else, something more than turning 20. The little things.. that mean a lot to you.
Drink #1. Some shaker? Split between myself and 6 of the girls.
Drink #2. Hand grenade shot. Gave the loose one to M cos she didn't have one, so I just had the drop in one with the glass. We went to the dance floor and it was a good start, I was feeling fine.
Drink #3. One tequila.
Drink #4. Two tequila. We went to the toilets again to wash up? Hands were gross from the salt/tequila/lemon. Went to the toilets a bit after for photos, E and I had to go home so we all hugged and said our goodbyes to them. Went to the benches on the left side of the stage, I think that's when I starting to feel a little bit tipsy.. bestie and M stopped to talk to their friends, S and I (as in myself) were ahead of them and turned back to see what took them so long. We sat down next to them, the three girls were talking to the other 2 friends of theirs while I was bored out of my brains and looking around. Looking around and spotted that certain someone. Me being me at the time, freaked out and ran away down the stairs wanting more drinks. Tipsy going on drunk with mixed emotions. I was happy and sad, hopeful and hurting. I ran away to avoid being seen as vulnerable and emotional. Drinking away to drown my sorrows.. that I've been wanting to drown for awhile.
Drink #5. Bacardi 151. I believe this was the first one because the bestie had bought it.. someone pushed her and her drink spilt a bit on me. Random happy birthdays from a few friends that were around me at the time. Then I think that was when I saw the certain someone's best friend, who has the same birthday as me, said happy birthday to me as well as his/their other friends. Tongue twister lol. Yeah so it was the certain someone's best friend's 21st birthday and we agreed to have a birthday shot. I saw you (you as in that certain someone) in the background amongst it all.
Drink #6. Bacardi 151. Happy birthday!!! And then things went fuzzy. The emotional roller-coaster had begun. From being happy drunk, to sad drunk, angry drunk, emotional drunk. Somewhere in between I saw you (you as in that certain someone) and I tried to grab your attention (literally) by yanking your hoodie and managed to get one or both arms around you. It all happened so fast, it was a nanosecond hug until one of the girls pulled me away. I had missed you so much but that hopeful feeling had disappeared before it happened when I was pulled away. I remember saying "I hate him" and crying at the same time. Lies because as much as the alcohol and anger made me want to think it, I knew in my heart that it wasn't true. The girls then taking me to the toilets and I was in the corner of the disabled toilets crying, repeatedly saying "I hate him, I hate him, but I don't, I hate the fact that I don't hate him because I still love him, I love him." I fell to my knees and they told me to get up. (Supportive words here). I got up and we went back to the dance floor, I remember dancing away then we got off when Party Rock Anthem was on. I was not happy about that because I liked that song!
Drink #7. Water. At the benches on the left side of the stage, I had a few sips, put the glass on the table behind us and then threw up three times. Got the girls' shoes and/or legs. Gross. They took me to the toilets and we were at the one in the end. They were holding back my hair as I was still throwing up a bit more, it was liquid bile then just saliva. They were trying to convince me to go home I remember bestie holding my phone, yelling "you're too drunk to stay here, you're emotional, you need to go home". Too drunk to stay, ok. Need to go home, ok. Emotional?? ARGH, I told her the day after that that annoyed me when she said that >:( But yeah, she had good intentions and wanted me to go home sigh. I was a mess.
Left the club just before 2am I think. K took me home which was like so random, I checked my phone the next morning and realised that bestie had messaged him to take me home. It should've been one of them that had taken me home or at least gone with me.. Thank goodness I didn't throw up in his car, my body kept wanting to throw up though and he had to stop a couple of times.. still nothing came out though until I had a drink of water the next morning. Eww. I was bed ridden all day and couldn't eat much, my stomach was aching and my throat was sore too.
In conclusion, next year for my 21st I will not drink until the point of being drunk like a skunk. Then see photos of myself red-faced and gone off my face, on facebook the next day. (how sad/embarrassing/gross/disgusting/remove post and untag). Perhaps I should spread things out and not have it planned all in the one day, or just have only one thing planned. I hope that I don't have to plan it next year, I want a surprise birthday next year. My 20th birthday this year sucked because I had no birthday cake and because I wasn't able to share it with you.
(Inserts text on June 27, 2011.)
OK. I'll start from the morning of my birthday.
I woke up and got ready to get my dresses altered and steamed pressed. The floral dress needed alterations for High Tea at Duxton Hotel and the red dress needed to be steamed pressed for the night out. I went around to buy last minute things within the hour of waiting for them. 10:45am dresses were done, went home got changed and ready for the High Tea. I left the house at 12pm but I didn't get there until 1pm because I was stuck in traffic, stupid traffic. The High Tea was lots of fun even though 3 of the girls attended. I enjoyed it and it was relaxing.. by the time I left and got home it was almost 4pm.
My parents and I went to pick up my cousin to go to dinner at Sizzlers Innaloo at 5pm. I think that's when I started feeling downhill. We didn't sit down to eat until 5:30pm, I didn't have much of an appetite which was BAD, felt drained, tired and a bit light headed too. Things started to feel rushed and I wasn't feeling too good. My sister-in-law didn't even fit in a drink of water let alone dessert because she was trying to sort out movie tickets etc for us to watch Cars 2 at 6:15/6:30pm. I had planned to fall asleep during the movie but it was just too good, I loved the movie! It finished around.. 8:30pm and we got home around 9pm or just before. I got changed, touched up on the eyeliner and mascara, then the girls came over. We called a taxi that came 15 minutes later which was like wtf. My hair was half done and the taxi driver pressed the horn, sigh.. this was when my heart started to beat faster, I really dislike being rushed.
Left the house around 9:30ish, got to the city around 10pm. (photos, a bit of double black Smirnoff that I hate, some more photos) Got into the club around 11pm. VIP entry, cloak room - my wrist band number was 19. I had turned 20 but the number 19 meant something else, something more than turning 20. The little things.. that mean a lot to you.
Drink #1. Some shaker? Split between myself and 6 of the girls.
Drink #2. Hand grenade shot. Gave the loose one to M cos she didn't have one, so I just had the drop in one with the glass. We went to the dance floor and it was a good start, I was feeling fine.
Drink #3. One tequila.
Drink #4. Two tequila. We went to the toilets again to wash up? Hands were gross from the salt/tequila/lemon. Went to the toilets a bit after for photos, E and I had to go home so we all hugged and said our goodbyes to them. Went to the benches on the left side of the stage, I think that's when I starting to feel a little bit tipsy.. bestie and M stopped to talk to their friends, S and I (as in myself) were ahead of them and turned back to see what took them so long. We sat down next to them, the three girls were talking to the other 2 friends of theirs while I was bored out of my brains and looking around. Looking around and spotted that certain someone. Me being me at the time, freaked out and ran away down the stairs wanting more drinks. Tipsy going on drunk with mixed emotions. I was happy and sad, hopeful and hurting. I ran away to avoid being seen as vulnerable and emotional. Drinking away to drown my sorrows.. that I've been wanting to drown for awhile.
Drink #5. Bacardi 151. I believe this was the first one because the bestie had bought it.. someone pushed her and her drink spilt a bit on me. Random happy birthdays from a few friends that were around me at the time. Then I think that was when I saw the certain someone's best friend, who has the same birthday as me, said happy birthday to me as well as his/their other friends. Tongue twister lol. Yeah so it was the certain someone's best friend's 21st birthday and we agreed to have a birthday shot. I saw you (you as in that certain someone) in the background amongst it all.
Drink #6. Bacardi 151. Happy birthday!!! And then things went fuzzy. The emotional roller-coaster had begun. From being happy drunk, to sad drunk, angry drunk, emotional drunk. Somewhere in between I saw you (you as in that certain someone) and I tried to grab your attention (literally) by yanking your hoodie and managed to get one or both arms around you. It all happened so fast, it was a nanosecond hug until one of the girls pulled me away. I had missed you so much but that hopeful feeling had disappeared before it happened when I was pulled away. I remember saying "I hate him" and crying at the same time. Lies because as much as the alcohol and anger made me want to think it, I knew in my heart that it wasn't true. The girls then taking me to the toilets and I was in the corner of the disabled toilets crying, repeatedly saying "I hate him, I hate him, but I don't, I hate the fact that I don't hate him because I still love him, I love him." I fell to my knees and they told me to get up. (Supportive words here). I got up and we went back to the dance floor, I remember dancing away then we got off when Party Rock Anthem was on. I was not happy about that because I liked that song!
Drink #7. Water. At the benches on the left side of the stage, I had a few sips, put the glass on the table behind us and then threw up three times. Got the girls' shoes and/or legs. Gross. They took me to the toilets and we were at the one in the end. They were holding back my hair as I was still throwing up a bit more, it was liquid bile then just saliva. They were trying to convince me to go home I remember bestie holding my phone, yelling "you're too drunk to stay here, you're emotional, you need to go home". Too drunk to stay, ok. Need to go home, ok. Emotional?? ARGH, I told her the day after that that annoyed me when she said that >:( But yeah, she had good intentions and wanted me to go home sigh. I was a mess.
Left the club just before 2am I think. K took me home which was like so random, I checked my phone the next morning and realised that bestie had messaged him to take me home. It should've been one of them that had taken me home or at least gone with me.. Thank goodness I didn't throw up in his car, my body kept wanting to throw up though and he had to stop a couple of times.. still nothing came out though until I had a drink of water the next morning. Eww. I was bed ridden all day and couldn't eat much, my stomach was aching and my throat was sore too.
In conclusion, next year for my 21st I will not drink until the point of being drunk like a skunk. Then see photos of myself red-faced and gone off my face, on facebook the next day. (how sad/embarrassing/gross/disgusting/remove post and untag). Perhaps I should spread things out and not have it planned all in the one day, or just have only one thing planned. I hope that I don't have to plan it next year, I want a surprise birthday next year. My 20th birthday this year sucked because I had no birthday cake and because I wasn't able to share it with you.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
June 25, 2011.
Alicia,
I hope your day is filled with love and happiness from the friends and family that are around you. I hope this year continues to strengthen the bonds you share with others while also finding new friendships that fulfill your life. Although things may not be the same between us I do want you to know that I still appreciate having you in my life and will always, if there is anything you ever need to talk about whether big or small, know that I am always hear to listen. Hitting the age of twenty may represent getting old to others, but I believe that it symbolises the start of your new life, adulthood. You are still a baby and there will be many challenges and mistakes that will happen along this road, but as long as you have a strong heart and believe in yourself I know that you will always come out a better person. I want you to know that I feel blessed and am thankful that I was able to share a beautiful relationship with you and from the bottom of my heart, I wish you happiness and great success for each year to come.
Happy birthday Alicia.
Love,
Steven.
I hope your day is filled with love and happiness from the friends and family that are around you. I hope this year continues to strengthen the bonds you share with others while also finding new friendships that fulfill your life. Although things may not be the same between us I do want you to know that I still appreciate having you in my life and will always, if there is anything you ever need to talk about whether big or small, know that I am always hear to listen. Hitting the age of twenty may represent getting old to others, but I believe that it symbolises the start of your new life, adulthood. You are still a baby and there will be many challenges and mistakes that will happen along this road, but as long as you have a strong heart and believe in yourself I know that you will always come out a better person. I want you to know that I feel blessed and am thankful that I was able to share a beautiful relationship with you and from the bottom of my heart, I wish you happiness and great success for each year to come.
Happy birthday Alicia.
Love,
Steven.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
19th
Blood level rises once again.
(I just realised that I have a couple of draft posts that are unpublished. It seems like my past has caught up to the future which is now the present. My feelings have been bottled up inside and was finally revealed. How could I have let that happen? I just wanted him to notice how I felt, hoping that things would change. Who would've know that he wanted to break up. - June 21, 2011.
"Lol that's not the right attitude bum!" ... Pet names after a break up? How original, as if I hadn't missed those. It's like rubbing salt on an open wound. - June 21, 2011.
You said that you're missing me, clearly doesn't seem like it. No matter how much I want to talk to you, constantly message you, call you or see you.. I can't. Such a busy life you have now, I guess that's the reality when you're unattached and have no girlfriend that ties you down. Not that I really did. You're pretty much doing the same thing you did now when you were with me, just more of it and most likely having more fun. I hate talking to you because it hurts so fucking much and when we don't talk, it hurts just as much.
I miss you so much to the point where I hate myself for it.
Dejavu. Do you think of me? Am I on your mind? Are you missing me? Clearly not right now.
I hope you're happy, who am I kidding, of course you are.
Talking to me as if I'm your friend, as if I'm like everyone else. Please. I am not a friend to you so don't waste your precious time on me, because at the end of the day, what am I to you?
"I miss having warm/genuine conversations" - with your friends but not with me.
Oh, if only they invented an emotional xray for the heart to see how broken it is.
"You've cut a hole in my heart and fucked it hard" - quote Tumblr.
This semi-blog post is pretty cold, these feelings have been dwelling deep below for quite some time. - June 23, 2011.
Don't know when I'll ever be truly happy again. Don't think it'll be any time soon unless I am with you. I still love you and want to be with you, all the time. Why can't you be with me? Do you still love me?
You became distant, you started to drift, you decided to break up with me, you've made a shift.
I want to be strong, I want to be able to move on, but I can't move on. I can't stay here forever and wait for you, but I will wait for you. I can only wait for so long, but please don't be too late and make me wait for too long. - June 23, 2011.)
(I just realised that I have a couple of draft posts that are unpublished. It seems like my past has caught up to the future which is now the present. My feelings have been bottled up inside and was finally revealed. How could I have let that happen? I just wanted him to notice how I felt, hoping that things would change. Who would've know that he wanted to break up. - June 21, 2011.
"Lol that's not the right attitude bum!" ... Pet names after a break up? How original, as if I hadn't missed those. It's like rubbing salt on an open wound. - June 21, 2011.
You said that you're missing me, clearly doesn't seem like it. No matter how much I want to talk to you, constantly message you, call you or see you.. I can't. Such a busy life you have now, I guess that's the reality when you're unattached and have no girlfriend that ties you down. Not that I really did. You're pretty much doing the same thing you did now when you were with me, just more of it and most likely having more fun. I hate talking to you because it hurts so fucking much and when we don't talk, it hurts just as much.
I miss you so much to the point where I hate myself for it.
Dejavu. Do you think of me? Am I on your mind? Are you missing me? Clearly not right now.
I hope you're happy, who am I kidding, of course you are.
Talking to me as if I'm your friend, as if I'm like everyone else. Please. I am not a friend to you so don't waste your precious time on me, because at the end of the day, what am I to you?
"I miss having warm/genuine conversations" - with your friends but not with me.
Oh, if only they invented an emotional xray for the heart to see how broken it is.
"You've cut a hole in my heart and fucked it hard" - quote Tumblr.
This semi-blog post is pretty cold, these feelings have been dwelling deep below for quite some time. - June 23, 2011.
Don't know when I'll ever be truly happy again. Don't think it'll be any time soon unless I am with you. I still love you and want to be with you, all the time. Why can't you be with me? Do you still love me?
You became distant, you started to drift, you decided to break up with me, you've made a shift.
I want to be strong, I want to be able to move on, but I can't move on. I can't stay here forever and wait for you, but I will wait for you. I can only wait for so long, but please don't be too late and make me wait for too long. - June 23, 2011.)
Saturday, June 18, 2011
You
Seem happy.
Are ok.
Don't notice that he's talking to everyone else, but you.
Put on a smile.
Think he's moved on.
Are not hurting whatsoever.
Put your feelings aside.
Are focusing on yourself.
Deserve better.
Don't need him.
Love being sarcastic.
Are lying.
Hate being sarcastic.
Believe that when something is wrong, do whatever it takes to fix it.
Keep playing that one song over and over.
Want him to notice you all the time.
Still hate this/it/everything.
Hate the fact that you don't hate him.
Try not to think about it but always fail.
Know what you want.
Want no one else.
Know how you feel.
Want him.
Miss him.
Love him.
Are 100% sure, and certain of all this.
Are telling the truth.
Have been online forever and he just noticed you.
Are ok.
Don't notice that he's talking to everyone else, but you.
Put on a smile.
Think he's moved on.
Are not hurting whatsoever.
Put your feelings aside.
Are focusing on yourself.
Deserve better.
Don't need him.
Love being sarcastic.
Are lying.
Hate being sarcastic.
Believe that when something is wrong, do whatever it takes to fix it.
Keep playing that one song over and over.
Want him to notice you all the time.
Still hate this/it/everything.
Hate the fact that you don't hate him.
Try not to think about it but always fail.
Know what you want.
Want no one else.
Know how you feel.
Want him.
Miss him.
Love him.
Are 100% sure, and certain of all this.
Are telling the truth.
Have been online forever and he just noticed you.
It's never too late
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark,
Finally, I can see you crystal clear,
Go ahead and sell me out and a I'll lay your ship bare,
See how I'll leave with every piece of you,
Don't underestimate the things that I will do,
There's a fire starting in my heart,
Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark,
The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
I can't help feeling,
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
Baby, I have no story to be told,
But I've heard one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn,
Think of me in the depths of your despair,
Make a home down there as mine sure won't be shared,
The scars of your love remind me of us,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
I can't help feeling,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
Could have had it all,
Rolling in the deep,
You had my heart inside your hand,
But you played it with a beating,
Throw your soul through every open door,
Count your blessings to find what you look for,
Turn my sorrow into treasured gold,
You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you've sown,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
We could have had it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
It all, it all, it all,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
We could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
And you played it to the beat,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
Could have had it all,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
Rolling in the deep,
(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep),
You had my heart inside your hand,
(You're gonna wish you never had met me),
But you played it,
You played it,
You played it,
You played it to the beat.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Another year, another birthday..
Steven says:
*Alicia, You're going to be 19 this year. Although you've hit the age where your dad won't lay a finger on you anymore, you must realise that your actions will still cause him the heartbreak to make him want to. Remember to stay true to your roots, you're actions pave the way to YOUR future. Although you may think that thinking about the future gets you no where, it is actually living for the
*moment that gets you no where. Without setting yourself a goal to attain, you cannot achieve it. You work towards the future by approaching it one bit at a time.
*From now on, you have no one else to blame but yourself. There will be no boyfriend that you can say distracted you, well, there was really never me to distract you dear. In the end, your friends cannot live your life and bear your pain, so the dissapointments you feel from now on will be the cause of your own discipline and state of mind, body & soul.
*I hope this year will be the start of many great things to come for you,
Regards,
Steven.
This was over or about a year ago and yes, I still have it. I don't know if god is punishing me or something but 3/5 years that we have been together, near the time of my birthday is when we're fighting or not together. I'm a bit of a believer in horoscopes and it just so happens that you and I are opposites. You're a Capricorn and I am a Cancerian, notice that they're the tropics of the northern and southern hemispheres? Lol right. We are very compatible but can clash at any given time, all we need is a balance and we'd be invincible. Reminds me of Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck.. ok back to the point.
GOD. I don't mean to use your name in vein but WHY does it happen? January, is the first month of the year and June is the sixth month. In the middle is the end of March and the start of April, and oh boy, do we argue a lot in April, hence why I dislike it a lot. February is when we're the happiest and in love but somewhere.. towards the end of March we become a bit distant. You know why? I BLAME UNIVERSITY SEMESTER ONE. I don't know. You say we go around in circles, well, I say let's stop these circles by putting an end to it and changing what's wrong. Simple as that. Easier said than done but it's true.
Relationships get comfortable, quote Wong Fu - Strangers, again "It's not bad but it's not good, some couples continue to build a better relationship by making change, others just choose the easy way out and break up." Something along the lines of that.. but it's true. In order for it to work, you've got to keep trying to make it work.
I don't want to give up on you, I don't want to give up on us.
I understand that you need your time and space to sort yourself out, because at the moment you're quite lost and confused. I just don't get why I would fall into that category.. I was certain that I was on your "I'm certain" list. Where you are sure and want to be with me, like you said you wanted to be.. for the rest of your life in the first email you sent to me five years ago.
Man... it freaking sucks. I know you've told me to focus on me, and I am, but I'd rather focus on you. My time, my feelings, my love, my everything, on you.
At the end of the day, I don't know what to do or what to believe in.
Put my feelings aside and focus on myself? And just let what happens happen? If it's meant to be then it's meant to be? I used to believe in that so much.. but now, it's so hard to believe. Why should I believe it when you're confused, about everything including me.. I'm afraid of losing you or that you will find someone else.. I don't want you with anyone else but me. Selfish but that's what I want. I try to believe that we'll get back together soon, but I don't want to get my hopes up because expectations lead to disappointment so I don't want to think about it. Only time will tell the way that it goes..
I still want to be with you,
I still want to commit to a relationship with you, our long-term relationship.
I still believe that you are the one for me, regardless of what others say,
I still miss you every second, of every minute, of every day, in my heart.
I still want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side,
I still love you,
With all of my heart.
Life goes on, the world and time stops for no one..
*Alicia, You're going to be 19 this year. Although you've hit the age where your dad won't lay a finger on you anymore, you must realise that your actions will still cause him the heartbreak to make him want to. Remember to stay true to your roots, you're actions pave the way to YOUR future. Although you may think that thinking about the future gets you no where, it is actually living for the
*moment that gets you no where. Without setting yourself a goal to attain, you cannot achieve it. You work towards the future by approaching it one bit at a time.
*From now on, you have no one else to blame but yourself. There will be no boyfriend that you can say distracted you, well, there was really never me to distract you dear. In the end, your friends cannot live your life and bear your pain, so the dissapointments you feel from now on will be the cause of your own discipline and state of mind, body & soul.
*I hope this year will be the start of many great things to come for you,
Regards,
Steven.
This was over or about a year ago and yes, I still have it. I don't know if god is punishing me or something but 3/5 years that we have been together, near the time of my birthday is when we're fighting or not together. I'm a bit of a believer in horoscopes and it just so happens that you and I are opposites. You're a Capricorn and I am a Cancerian, notice that they're the tropics of the northern and southern hemispheres? Lol right. We are very compatible but can clash at any given time, all we need is a balance and we'd be invincible. Reminds me of Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck.. ok back to the point.
GOD. I don't mean to use your name in vein but WHY does it happen? January, is the first month of the year and June is the sixth month. In the middle is the end of March and the start of April, and oh boy, do we argue a lot in April, hence why I dislike it a lot. February is when we're the happiest and in love but somewhere.. towards the end of March we become a bit distant. You know why? I BLAME UNIVERSITY SEMESTER ONE. I don't know. You say we go around in circles, well, I say let's stop these circles by putting an end to it and changing what's wrong. Simple as that. Easier said than done but it's true.
Relationships get comfortable, quote Wong Fu - Strangers, again "It's not bad but it's not good, some couples continue to build a better relationship by making change, others just choose the easy way out and break up." Something along the lines of that.. but it's true. In order for it to work, you've got to keep trying to make it work.
I don't want to give up on you, I don't want to give up on us.
I understand that you need your time and space to sort yourself out, because at the moment you're quite lost and confused. I just don't get why I would fall into that category.. I was certain that I was on your "I'm certain" list. Where you are sure and want to be with me, like you said you wanted to be.. for the rest of your life in the first email you sent to me five years ago.
Man... it freaking sucks. I know you've told me to focus on me, and I am, but I'd rather focus on you. My time, my feelings, my love, my everything, on you.
At the end of the day, I don't know what to do or what to believe in.
Put my feelings aside and focus on myself? And just let what happens happen? If it's meant to be then it's meant to be? I used to believe in that so much.. but now, it's so hard to believe. Why should I believe it when you're confused, about everything including me.. I'm afraid of losing you or that you will find someone else.. I don't want you with anyone else but me. Selfish but that's what I want. I try to believe that we'll get back together soon, but I don't want to get my hopes up because expectations lead to disappointment so I don't want to think about it. Only time will tell the way that it goes..
I still want to be with you,
I still want to commit to a relationship with you, our long-term relationship.
I still believe that you are the one for me, regardless of what others say,
I still miss you every second, of every minute, of every day, in my heart.
I still want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side,
I still love you,
With all of my heart.
Life goes on, the world and time stops for no one..
Thursday, June 9, 2011
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