Again

Now is not the time to think and wonder about these things in my head. I don't know, I just really feel out of the loop when it comes to certain things. I don't have to ask because I already know, but I do because I am not told about it. Makes me feel unimportant and that kind of bugs me, well not kind of, more like a lot. It shouldn't bother me though but it gets me every single f ing time. F. Is it because I am afraid of what may happen. I shouldn't have to worry but it'll always be at the back of my head.

Ffs. I should just go to bed, my head is driving me insane with all these stupid thoughts.
I thought I was able to let go of those little things, I was wrong again. OK no more from now on.

And you keep telling me,
Telling me that you’ll be sweet,
And you’ll never want to leave my side,
As long as I don’t break these… Promises,
and they still feel all so wasted on myself.

You are a cinema

I could watch you forever... procrastinating to the max - tumblr, facebook in the background, Cinema - Skrillex remix repeating on youtube and now blogging. Worked tonight so I'm like O_O at the moment.

Gonna pack my bags soon, for gym and study. STUDY STUDY STUDY oh how I love thee so. Excited to gym again, GYM, FIT, FLAT STOMACH. Oh that reminds me, I need to pick up my other contact lenses, if they have them..

In search for a new car, the one my brother told me to look up the other day is now sold. Was waiting to show mum before I email the person but oh well. No rush.

Freaking blah. Two weeks until break.. So close... SO CLOSE!

Four months on.

I have to say that it's been a while since I've posted a deep thought/long post. Lately it's been one line angry sad person posts so I think it's time for the real stuff. It's the last week of uni for me and I'm trying to prioritise my time with study, work and other things. Three weeks until my last exam, kind of scary and exciting at the same time..

I went out on Saturday after a friend's birthday party and met up with the bf, and my, that night was so much fun. It's probably been one of the best night's I've had out clubbing. I wonder why we don't go out together more often, it's so much fun when I'm with him. It's always those nights where I don't plan to go out and end up going out just out of spontaneity or because he's going. I think it's been two or three times that we've been out together.. wait, yes three and it's been the best, because I'm with him! (and I'm sober too!)

It was never like this before, it was just one person or the other but not both. I guess we change as we grow in the relationship. I know I've grown with him and as a person for the better. I know that I've done wrong and have hurt him to the point of heartache, but I am and will keep on trying to make it right. He is my everything. He really is my everything - everything that I want and need. I love him so much. I am so lucky to have him as my boyfriend, partner, lover, best friend.

Man.. I was such a stupid 18 year old, being 18 was probably the worst time of my life. I was so naive, so stupid and careless. Stupid 18 year old thought she could do anything because she was 18 and legal, mother f er slap that bitch in the face! When I turned 19 it was 50/50, ups and downs here and there, periods where I was very happy and very sad. The year where there was a lot of decision making. Turning 20 was like wow. Four months on and I feel like I've become more responsible and that I've found myself, the me that I was when I was younger - as in the one with morals and beliefs, who knew what she wanted, what she believed in and what she stands for. My 20th birthday was not the best but everyday after that, it's been getting better and I feel like I'm making sense of everything again. I hope that the rest of my days being 20 are like what they are now.

There is still more that I need to learn.

Stop

Please make them stop falling, I hate them.