2010.
Another day, another year.
Time sure has flown by fast, and it's been a shit year for me.
However, there were some highlights and memories that I will never forget.
NYD2010. Summer, just chilling with the girls, esp at the best friend's cousin's house. Awesome. Beach, whenever not just in Summer but throughout the whole year. Father T's birthday, 4 Y anniversary with the boyfriend, Superfest - touching Akon's hand omg, Mother C's birthday, my 19th birthday, outings with work mates, Angus and Julia Stone, A.Hai and C.Nhu's wedding, Z's wedding, Sydney/Melbourne holiday - being with him everyday - sleeping and waking up next to him, MUSE!, Christmas, NYE2010.
Yesterday's mistake, today's lesson. Remember it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Plans ahead for 2011.
FOCUS. IS KEY. 5 Y with the boyfriend. STUDY! Banking, if not Accounting. Laptop for real this time! New wardrobe, accessorise and style! AND PRIORITISE!! SAVE UP! FIND A SECOND JOB RELATED TO WHAT I'M STUDYING! POSTCARDS!! Put them up ARGH. Melbourne again maybe, for my 20th (OMG I'm turning 20 AHH!) End of year holiday to JAP with the boyfriend maybe? Ooh. MORE STUDY! Um, continue to eat, sleep and watch TV. Beach more, not tan wise but.. SEE THE INDIAN OCEAN DRIVE!!!
AND MORE STARS!
And, make the most out of everyday. Learn. Live. Laugh. Love.
"The only limits in this universe are the ones you create." - Julia Stone.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Failure
Is the key to success.
A smart squirrel will squirrel a little away at first, and will then have a lot.
Definitely repeating my accounting unit again next semester, at least I finished it this semester and will know what to expect next year. No more excuses. Sick and tired of failing, through out high school and now, let's just make sure that I do pass my other three units. No more buts and if only I could. I have wasted my time but won't anymore for my finals. I watched Undercover Boss Australia earlier on, it was about franchisees, management etc and it made me think of what I am passionate about? What do I want to be? What career do I want? What is my dream..?
I am passionate about life in general, the science of the world and how it is created, how it works, the big bang and all that jazz. If I could be anything, I would be a superhero- or an environmentalist/scientist/ecologist, Al Gore is my idol- please don't tell anyone. I love to learn and I am a very curious person, so it's only natural that I'd love a career in science. Either that, hospitality since I love food or something maths related. I'd also love to be a teacher because although you teach children and others around you, you also learn from them and in return teach yourself a lesson. Knowledge is power. My dream is to the save the world from the cancer that we know as mankind, or to make it last forever. If only everything was renewable and lasted forever..
"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore." - Lady Gaga.
A smart squirrel will squirrel a little away at first, and will then have a lot.
Definitely repeating my accounting unit again next semester, at least I finished it this semester and will know what to expect next year. No more excuses. Sick and tired of failing, through out high school and now, let's just make sure that I do pass my other three units. No more buts and if only I could. I have wasted my time but won't anymore for my finals. I watched Undercover Boss Australia earlier on, it was about franchisees, management etc and it made me think of what I am passionate about? What do I want to be? What career do I want? What is my dream..?
I am passionate about life in general, the science of the world and how it is created, how it works, the big bang and all that jazz. If I could be anything, I would be a superhero- or an environmentalist/scientist/ecologist, Al Gore is my idol- please don't tell anyone. I love to learn and I am a very curious person, so it's only natural that I'd love a career in science. Either that, hospitality since I love food or something maths related. I'd also love to be a teacher because although you teach children and others around you, you also learn from them and in return teach yourself a lesson. Knowledge is power. My dream is to the save the world from the cancer that we know as mankind, or to make it last forever. If only everything was renewable and lasted forever..
"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore." - Lady Gaga.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Postcard
Must sort and collage them.
Beautiful moon tonight, think I saw a shooting star.. definitely made a wish. The moon was so bright and yellow tonight as I was driving home from work. It was so beautiful with the clouds drifting past it.. with falling away with you on repeat in my ears, it just totally set the mood. Had to throw some things in the recycling bin after I got out the car, then saw an airplane in the night skyyyy... so I made a wish. Then as I was staring aimlessly at the moon I saw a shooting star.. well something small and a bit shiny that zoomed across the sky. Made my day/night.
Two days left of Winter.. Hrmm, things that I will miss..
My birthday.. it was good but not great. Cold mornings and cold nights. Dark early mornings and early dark afternoons. The sun rising on the train to uni.. warm sleep ins! But I won't miss the rain, cold winds or smell of the rain.
Beautiful moon tonight, think I saw a shooting star.. definitely made a wish. The moon was so bright and yellow tonight as I was driving home from work. It was so beautiful with the clouds drifting past it.. with falling away with you on repeat in my ears, it just totally set the mood. Had to throw some things in the recycling bin after I got out the car, then saw an airplane in the night skyyyy... so I made a wish. Then as I was staring aimlessly at the moon I saw a shooting star.. well something small and a bit shiny that zoomed across the sky. Made my day/night.
Two days left of Winter.. Hrmm, things that I will miss..
My birthday.. it was good but not great. Cold mornings and cold nights. Dark early mornings and early dark afternoons. The sun rising on the train to uni.. warm sleep ins! But I won't miss the rain, cold winds or smell of the rain.
"Destiny is for losers. It’s just a stupid excuse to wait for things to happen instead of making them happen." – Blair Waldorf.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
At peace
With myself.
My thoughts and how I've felt over several months. Maybe not all of it, but most of it. My thoughts are just thoughts. Take them as they are. Take it for what it is. Take me for me, this is who I am.
Do not judge me because of my choices and the actions that I have made, do not criticise me for doing wrong because I myself know what I have done. Do not persuade me to think that I am like every other, or lead me to believe that I have changed for the worse.
All I want is to be myself, for everyone to see me as myself. I am me. That is all.
My thoughts and how I've felt over several months. Maybe not all of it, but most of it. My thoughts are just thoughts. Take them as they are. Take it for what it is. Take me for me, this is who I am.
Do not judge me because of my choices and the actions that I have made, do not criticise me for doing wrong because I myself know what I have done. Do not persuade me to think that I am like every other, or lead me to believe that I have changed for the worse.
All I want is to be myself, for everyone to see me as myself. I am me. That is all.
Full moon
Happy birthday S!
Memories brought back in my mind, the tide is pulled from side to side. Cold winds towards the shore, towards and over the limestone wall. The water crashing amongst the rocks, lights so bright glittered with moths. Seagulls afar swoop down to fish, as I sit there and make a wish. The night is dark and the stars are bright, chasing forever chasing the light. As time goes passing by, my mind is wondering why. Why do you feel the way do, why couldn't I pretend that I had no clue. Was I really that interesting? Or did you just feel like listening? You said that you had nothing but warm feelings, how foolish of me for believing. Your friendship, companionship, whatever you want to call it.. was all that should have been. I need not more nor less of a friend, because any more or any less would be the end. And it has ended, our friendship for now.. has ceased, one that you nor I can mend. If only you didn't feel the way that you did, all that has happen wouldn't exist.
No matter how much I hate what you did, I can't hold a grudge against it. For it was how you felt and so I had to deal with it. I was at fault as well, I tried to hide it, I tried to fight it, but somehow I fell. Fell into a hole and let my guard down, lost forever and never to be found. I knew from the moment that it happened, it was not right but why, WHY couldn't I fight it.
Ok. To the point.
I'll tell you why. I had made myself believe what I wanted to believe. But when what had happened did, it felt like a bubble had just burst within me. I had no control of it and that I couldn't stop it. I knew that what was about to happen, what happened, what did happen was wrong -- but it happened. Okay that last bit made sense in my head but sounds so confusing in writing. I just, I don't know. Well I do know actually. I have to admit that what had been a good friendship turned into a crush within a matter of seconds. The feeling that I hoped wouldn't be there but infact it had actually become real.
Oh the irony, the place we first talked and place that we stopped. Then you just had to come walking into the centre on the weekend of my birthday. F. Seriously, why did you have to show up and leave at that time. I wished I had never seen you because everything just came flooding back at me. Oh what nerve.
Why am I even writing this nonsense. ARGH. These thoughts anger me, the thought of it angers me, the thought of you angers me. To be honest, if I had the chance to turn back the clock and leave when I had the chance, I would've. Better to have been cruel to be kind, than be kind to get hurt. RAGE. You're so selfish, has anyone told you that before? You're a selfish human being. You knew where you stood, I told you were you stood, we even made it clear to each other but maybe it wasn't clear enough for you. It's silly how you said that even if you weren't drunk when it happened, you still would've wanted it to happen.
I had risked it all, and put everything on the line just for it. How stupid of me, how stupid, stupid, STUPID of me.
(tables turn)
Why did I have to risk it all, risk it all for you. Why was I so stupid, so careless.. and so selfish. I had everything a girl could ever want. A loving family, loving friends and a loving boyfriend that loved me. But why, seriously, why. It was a mistake but why don't I regret it as much? I guess the only thing I regret more than letting it happen is not leaving when I had the chance. I could've prevented this rather than trying to find a cure for it like a cancer. That is what I regret the most. Gosh I hate that.
At the end of the day, I can't stay mad at you and I only have myself to blame. My love, he shouldn't have been treated that way. The choices that I have made, my actions, the consequence that I had to deal with -- It's all me. All me. All my doings/my choices/my actions, and my consequence.
No one elses.
I am thankful to have someone like you my love, for you have given me another chance to redeem myself. To be able to show you that you're the only one for me. I know the choices I have made, may have been for all the wrong reasons. Some of them selfish and mistakes that I'll always remember. Mistakes that I will and am learning from. I know that everybody makes mistakes and we're only human. But how many mistakes can a human make? I wonder why (again why) why, you out of all people my love have forgiven me. How could you have ever forgiven someone that has hurt you the way that I did, forgive someone that cheated on you the way that I did, forgive someone that broke your trust the way that I did, forgive someone that is meant to love you the way that you did.
I am thankful for you my love, for you have shown me. Shown me that two wrongs don't make a right and that to make it right you have to start again. Find your roots back to the place where you began. The place where you can find your morals, your beliefs, the truth and yourself. Shown me that you have to make change to be able to move on, to gain back the trust to make it right. I know I have lied and I know I have cheated, and I know to never repeat it. For you my love, I will never know.. the day that you will be sick and tired of it, the day that you have enough.
I am thankful for you my love, because I am with you. You understand me like no one else. You love me for me with my flaws, at my worst and at my best.
Yes I am thankful for you my love. My love does not judge me but instead, should be able to confide in me.
But some days I don't feel it my love. I think it's because I still feel that I don't deserve you my love, your forgiveness my love. After all the tears and all the pain, why are you still with me my love. Why do you love me my love. I sometimes wished that you had just shut me out of your life and not forgiven me my love. Now I'm just being selfish, or maybe I just believe I don't deserve someone like you my love. You are one of a kind.
-- Exposed.
The anger, the thoughts, the memories, the choices, the forgiveness, the love.
I would not have any of them without any of the others. Life itself makes me wonder why I post the things I do. I guess a lot of this.. is not expressed, due to a lack of ability to express the heart and the mind in speech.
Now my mind is just blabbing on. 2:33 AM
Memories brought back in my mind, the tide is pulled from side to side. Cold winds towards the shore, towards and over the limestone wall. The water crashing amongst the rocks, lights so bright glittered with moths. Seagulls afar swoop down to fish, as I sit there and make a wish. The night is dark and the stars are bright, chasing forever chasing the light. As time goes passing by, my mind is wondering why. Why do you feel the way do, why couldn't I pretend that I had no clue. Was I really that interesting? Or did you just feel like listening? You said that you had nothing but warm feelings, how foolish of me for believing. Your friendship, companionship, whatever you want to call it.. was all that should have been. I need not more nor less of a friend, because any more or any less would be the end. And it has ended, our friendship for now.. has ceased, one that you nor I can mend. If only you didn't feel the way that you did, all that has happen wouldn't exist.
No matter how much I hate what you did, I can't hold a grudge against it. For it was how you felt and so I had to deal with it. I was at fault as well, I tried to hide it, I tried to fight it, but somehow I fell. Fell into a hole and let my guard down, lost forever and never to be found. I knew from the moment that it happened, it was not right but why, WHY couldn't I fight it.
Ok. To the point.
I'll tell you why. I had made myself believe what I wanted to believe. But when what had happened did, it felt like a bubble had just burst within me. I had no control of it and that I couldn't stop it. I knew that what was about to happen, what happened, what did happen was wrong -- but it happened. Okay that last bit made sense in my head but sounds so confusing in writing. I just, I don't know. Well I do know actually. I have to admit that what had been a good friendship turned into a crush within a matter of seconds. The feeling that I hoped wouldn't be there but infact it had actually become real.
Oh the irony, the place we first talked and place that we stopped. Then you just had to come walking into the centre on the weekend of my birthday. F. Seriously, why did you have to show up and leave at that time. I wished I had never seen you because everything just came flooding back at me. Oh what nerve.
Why am I even writing this nonsense. ARGH. These thoughts anger me, the thought of it angers me, the thought of you angers me. To be honest, if I had the chance to turn back the clock and leave when I had the chance, I would've. Better to have been cruel to be kind, than be kind to get hurt. RAGE. You're so selfish, has anyone told you that before? You're a selfish human being. You knew where you stood, I told you were you stood, we even made it clear to each other but maybe it wasn't clear enough for you. It's silly how you said that even if you weren't drunk when it happened, you still would've wanted it to happen.
I had risked it all, and put everything on the line just for it. How stupid of me, how stupid, stupid, STUPID of me.
(tables turn)
Why did I have to risk it all, risk it all for you. Why was I so stupid, so careless.. and so selfish. I had everything a girl could ever want. A loving family, loving friends and a loving boyfriend that loved me. But why, seriously, why. It was a mistake but why don't I regret it as much? I guess the only thing I regret more than letting it happen is not leaving when I had the chance. I could've prevented this rather than trying to find a cure for it like a cancer. That is what I regret the most. Gosh I hate that.
At the end of the day, I can't stay mad at you and I only have myself to blame. My love, he shouldn't have been treated that way. The choices that I have made, my actions, the consequence that I had to deal with -- It's all me. All me. All my doings/my choices/my actions, and my consequence.
No one elses.
I am thankful to have someone like you my love, for you have given me another chance to redeem myself. To be able to show you that you're the only one for me. I know the choices I have made, may have been for all the wrong reasons. Some of them selfish and mistakes that I'll always remember. Mistakes that I will and am learning from. I know that everybody makes mistakes and we're only human. But how many mistakes can a human make? I wonder why (again why) why, you out of all people my love have forgiven me. How could you have ever forgiven someone that has hurt you the way that I did, forgive someone that cheated on you the way that I did, forgive someone that broke your trust the way that I did, forgive someone that is meant to love you the way that you did.
I am thankful for you my love, for you have shown me. Shown me that two wrongs don't make a right and that to make it right you have to start again. Find your roots back to the place where you began. The place where you can find your morals, your beliefs, the truth and yourself. Shown me that you have to make change to be able to move on, to gain back the trust to make it right. I know I have lied and I know I have cheated, and I know to never repeat it. For you my love, I will never know.. the day that you will be sick and tired of it, the day that you have enough.
I am thankful for you my love, because I am with you. You understand me like no one else. You love me for me with my flaws, at my worst and at my best.
Yes I am thankful for you my love. My love does not judge me but instead, should be able to confide in me.
But some days I don't feel it my love. I think it's because I still feel that I don't deserve you my love, your forgiveness my love. After all the tears and all the pain, why are you still with me my love. Why do you love me my love. I sometimes wished that you had just shut me out of your life and not forgiven me my love. Now I'm just being selfish, or maybe I just believe I don't deserve someone like you my love. You are one of a kind.
-- Exposed.
The anger, the thoughts, the memories, the choices, the forgiveness, the love.
I would not have any of them without any of the others. Life itself makes me wonder why I post the things I do. I guess a lot of this.. is not expressed, due to a lack of ability to express the heart and the mind in speech.
Now my mind is just blabbing on. 2:33 AM
Friday, August 13, 2010
Dream
Catch me when I fall.
Or else I won't come back at all.
Late night tonight, or should I say early morning.. 2:43AM and my father has just told me to go to bed. I think it's because I had a 13 hours sleep last night. Just got a lot on my mind or my body clock isn't ready to fall asleep! Second week of the semester.. going swell. I'm a bit behind my homework but I will catch up over the weekend. My head is going nuts I swear, sometimes I feel like crying just let my feelings/emotions convert into tears. Makes me feel less fat, fat being the feelings weighing me down. Unless this is just the post-tom reactions.. I doubt it though. My dreams have been out of whack lately. Usually I'd remember them the next day or remember it clearly.. but last night I was only able to remember a small part of my dream and the other half. Basically two parts to my dream, I remembered half but the other half was foggy.. weird. I don't know hey..
I've been thinking a bit about the past.. little things that I see which bring back memories, well moments of my life which happened long ago. It somehow gets mooshed into my dreams with the present. Weird. I can't explain it any better but I wish I could. My subconscious and conscious mind are somewhat interrelated but totally irrelevant to one another if you get what I mean. Anyhoo...
There's this other thing, sort of in my head but mainly further down.. a bit deeper maybe. Something inside of me that wants to jump out, burst out of it's bubble, go crazy, cry itself out.. I don't know! But it's something inside of me that is bugging me.. I don't know what it is!! Definitely not a crisis or anything... perhaps anger or rage.. some sort of feeling.. Gosh I'm going insane in the membrane of my brain!! Gees honey, issues much? I think it's just everything that I've been keeping inside for the past x time.. that hasn't been able to get out. Like Homer Simpson when he turned into the Hulk because he kept all his anger and emotions inside. One day I'm going to be the Hulk and just explode.. I hope not though, gosh.. I'd hate to be there when it hits the final straw.
2:59AM been up for 15 hours. Laters
Or else I won't come back at all.
Late night tonight, or should I say early morning.. 2:43AM and my father has just told me to go to bed. I think it's because I had a 13 hours sleep last night. Just got a lot on my mind or my body clock isn't ready to fall asleep! Second week of the semester.. going swell. I'm a bit behind my homework but I will catch up over the weekend. My head is going nuts I swear, sometimes I feel like crying just let my feelings/emotions convert into tears. Makes me feel less fat, fat being the feelings weighing me down. Unless this is just the post-tom reactions.. I doubt it though. My dreams have been out of whack lately. Usually I'd remember them the next day or remember it clearly.. but last night I was only able to remember a small part of my dream and the other half. Basically two parts to my dream, I remembered half but the other half was foggy.. weird. I don't know hey..
I've been thinking a bit about the past.. little things that I see which bring back memories, well moments of my life which happened long ago. It somehow gets mooshed into my dreams with the present. Weird. I can't explain it any better but I wish I could. My subconscious and conscious mind are somewhat interrelated but totally irrelevant to one another if you get what I mean. Anyhoo...
There's this other thing, sort of in my head but mainly further down.. a bit deeper maybe. Something inside of me that wants to jump out, burst out of it's bubble, go crazy, cry itself out.. I don't know! But it's something inside of me that is bugging me.. I don't know what it is!! Definitely not a crisis or anything... perhaps anger or rage.. some sort of feeling.. Gosh I'm going insane in the membrane of my brain!! Gees honey, issues much? I think it's just everything that I've been keeping inside for the past x time.. that hasn't been able to get out. Like Homer Simpson when he turned into the Hulk because he kept all his anger and emotions inside. One day I'm going to be the Hulk and just explode.. I hope not though, gosh.. I'd hate to be there when it hits the final straw.
2:59AM been up for 15 hours. Laters
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
The takeover, the break's over.
August 2, Back to University.
The joys of being back. My units this semester are hard core.. I shouldn't have drop the two units from last semester but it couldn't be helped, sort of had to. Anyways, I'm liking my classes so far.. my accounting tutor already remembers my name. I've got my game face on for this semester, I am studying hard this semester! Since I have a fantabulous reward at the end of it so BIG SMILES! I feel more focused this semester so yay! for me and yay! to me doing well this sem.. fingers crossed!
I've got so many things to do written down in my diary and I've been only able to tick off one sadly, need to sell my book tomorrow and go shopping for stationary. One book is not enough for me! I need to be extra organised this semester and I don't think my filing system from last semester worked. It felt like my notes and things were everywhere even though they were all in one single folder. Hrmm, better separate I suppose.. I need to find a more efficient way to note take and study!
Ooh I forgot to mention that I got my wisdom teeth yanked out! Still hurts when I yawn, laugh and eat like burgers and stuff.. gay!
Other things on my mind:
That one person.
CS next year?
Weddings!
Combine study and sleep? (My rooms!)
Bed frame
Holiday and Shopping list!
The joys of being back. My units this semester are hard core.. I shouldn't have drop the two units from last semester but it couldn't be helped, sort of had to. Anyways, I'm liking my classes so far.. my accounting tutor already remembers my name. I've got my game face on for this semester, I am studying hard this semester! Since I have a fantabulous reward at the end of it so BIG SMILES! I feel more focused this semester so yay! for me and yay! to me doing well this sem.. fingers crossed!
I've got so many things to do written down in my diary and I've been only able to tick off one sadly, need to sell my book tomorrow and go shopping for stationary. One book is not enough for me! I need to be extra organised this semester and I don't think my filing system from last semester worked. It felt like my notes and things were everywhere even though they were all in one single folder. Hrmm, better separate I suppose.. I need to find a more efficient way to note take and study!
Ooh I forgot to mention that I got my wisdom teeth yanked out! Still hurts when I yawn, laugh and eat like burgers and stuff.. gay!
Other things on my mind:
That one person.
CS next year?
Weddings!
Combine study and sleep? (My rooms!)
Bed frame
Holiday and Shopping list!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
In my head, nothing but music.. and the thought of..
If I could dim the lights in the mall, and create a mood.. yeah.. I would.
You always want what you can't have, but I've got to try.
I'm gonna monster every ounce confidence I have, for you I will..
You always want what you can't have, but I've got to try.
I'm gonna monster every ounce confidence I have, for you I will..
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Go tell the fucking world..
Karma: What goes around comes around. It can be a blessing or a bitch dependent of your actions.
Fuck off, I hate you, you've played me like a puppet, I can't look at your face, even after everything.. all the pinky promises you made.. when you looked me in the eyes.. you still couldn't keep them, I'm not waiting around anymore.. you've had enough time, you're trash to me.
You never know what you've got until it's gone.. just don't live to regret it..
Way too many chances, so many times you have been forgiven, but never did you try to fix it.. NEVER. I guess you get what you deserve, and now you've lost it all because you never learn.
Through the ups and downs never let it go, holding on forever never let it go..
They might say hi, and I might say hey, but you shouldn't worry about what they say.. 'cause they've got nothin' on you baby..
And it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear... didn't I my, dear.
If you're gonna leave me, don't hesitate, don't plead me. Just say so.
It's too late, to let all your feelings show, ride on.. 'til the night is swept away.
Is it over yet? ... Can I open my eyes? ... Is this is as hard as it gets? ... Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry...
I've got that sickly feeling in my stomach, in my head and in that thing that keeps you alive.. this was your decision.. so by all means, deal with it woman.
Fuck off, I hate you, you've played me like a puppet, I can't look at your face, even after everything.. all the pinky promises you made.. when you looked me in the eyes.. you still couldn't keep them, I'm not waiting around anymore.. you've had enough time, you're trash to me.
You never know what you've got until it's gone.. just don't live to regret it..
Way too many chances, so many times you have been forgiven, but never did you try to fix it.. NEVER. I guess you get what you deserve, and now you've lost it all because you never learn.
Through the ups and downs never let it go, holding on forever never let it go..
They might say hi, and I might say hey, but you shouldn't worry about what they say.. 'cause they've got nothin' on you baby..
And it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear... didn't I my, dear.
If you're gonna leave me, don't hesitate, don't plead me. Just say so.
It's too late, to let all your feelings show, ride on.. 'til the night is swept away.
Is it over yet? ... Can I open my eyes? ... Is this is as hard as it gets? ... Is this what it feels like to really cry? Cry...
I've got that sickly feeling in my stomach, in my head and in that thing that keeps you alive.. this was your decision.. so by all means, deal with it woman.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Three words
M.I.A.?
So it's been two months since my last post, and I am still unfit like a potato on a couch. My life has been all over the shop for awhile but I'm starting to pick things up here and there. Let's just say it's not like how it used to be - I'm not like how I used to be. I am honestly disappointed in myself and god forbid my mother would be too and would immediately disown me as her daughter. I should tell her what's going on, I am in need of a slap in the face to bring me back to reality and to what I've done (okay maybe not literally but yeah you get what I mean).
A friend once told me that life is like a photo, you need the negatives to develop - pretty cool ha. Yeah, why do I feel like I have nothing left to say.. pretty sure there's plenty of things wondering in my mind. Maybe I just need so sleep.. yeah I'll go to bed soon.
Mm.. Today was a nice day, 27 degrees or something and not a cloud in the sky. Anyways it was a fine sunny day, I got out of bed around 10ish since I woke up suddenly and couldn't go back to sleep. I left the house around midday so it was really warm outside.. I finally did the errands I've been meaning to do for a long time! Went to an op shop to donate some things and to recycle some plastic bags - speaking of bags, the op shop had some cute ones but my window shopping was limited today. I went to the bank after to exchange the treasury money for Youth Group into cash and OMG it has made things lighter! The machine they have at the bank is so awesome and yay! I'm an account holder so they didn't deduct any fees. Thought I'd go for a drive down to the beach since it was a lovely day and the water was beautiful.. pretty sure I drove up and down west coast hwy/drv 4 times. That reminds me, I need to fill up the tank - hate it when it's empty and the light keeps flashing!!
Oh speaking of annoying things, the sound on my computer doesn't work! I got a friend to reformat my computer, it came back all good but it can't speak! It's missing like the Video Controller (VGA compatible) device and something other device thingamajig. Eh, I'll fix it soon cos I need music! iour97q3498264862312kjat7*%&**(EBG&*(BB (R97b75478467578sxm. Yeah.. my head hurts. I've worn my hair up til now since work and wow it really strained my head. Hurry up and grow longer!! I'm thinking about chopping it short when my fringe reaches my shoulders-ish. Either that or I just restyle my hair.. or just leave it long and ew, I'll just wait and see.
Less than two months until my 19th birthday, I'm not that excited about it anymore but I look forward to how things will be after I turn 19. Hopefully it's better than being 18. Mm.. think I'll wrap things up now.. wait - Three words, the title of this entry. Yeah, it's a song but it's related to me in many other three worded combinations. i.e. dirty lying cheat. Yep. I finally admit this to myself. I am a dirty lying cheat you know why? Because I did the dirty deed, I lied about it and I cheated. Ha - the complete opposite of the person I used to be. The person who had morals and beliefs which opposed those three. That believed those doings were bad, were wrong, were not to be done. Gosh, if only the "me" from then was here to slap the me today. Honestly, I've become my own monster.
Lady Gaga sings the words "he ate my heart" well I say to myself bitch you pretty much ate your own heart and spat it out. The pain you've caused is one of a kind, the most selfish act and hurtful of all. Not only to others but to yourself in the process, ffs use your academic brain and think outside the square for once. I'm sure you can do that since you're good at maths especially when it comes to algebra and trigonometry, wait sorry you're lacking some LOGIC. No wonder you were always border line in the top f ing maths units, pick up your pencil and learn from your mistakes, that's why the pencil has an eraser for crying out loud.
Yeah total self bitch slap in the face to myself with a bit common sense coming from my inner mathlete.
What have I gained out of this? Nothing but a reality check and a lesson in life. Tomorrow is a new day and it'll be better than today, just remember yesterday's lesson girl. Gonna go to bed before I turn into a zombie.
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
P.S. Take care and get plump lychee.
So it's been two months since my last post, and I am still unfit like a potato on a couch. My life has been all over the shop for awhile but I'm starting to pick things up here and there. Let's just say it's not like how it used to be - I'm not like how I used to be. I am honestly disappointed in myself and god forbid my mother would be too and would immediately disown me as her daughter. I should tell her what's going on, I am in need of a slap in the face to bring me back to reality and to what I've done (okay maybe not literally but yeah you get what I mean).
A friend once told me that life is like a photo, you need the negatives to develop - pretty cool ha. Yeah, why do I feel like I have nothing left to say.. pretty sure there's plenty of things wondering in my mind. Maybe I just need so sleep.. yeah I'll go to bed soon.
Mm.. Today was a nice day, 27 degrees or something and not a cloud in the sky. Anyways it was a fine sunny day, I got out of bed around 10ish since I woke up suddenly and couldn't go back to sleep. I left the house around midday so it was really warm outside.. I finally did the errands I've been meaning to do for a long time! Went to an op shop to donate some things and to recycle some plastic bags - speaking of bags, the op shop had some cute ones but my window shopping was limited today. I went to the bank after to exchange the treasury money for Youth Group into cash and OMG it has made things lighter! The machine they have at the bank is so awesome and yay! I'm an account holder so they didn't deduct any fees. Thought I'd go for a drive down to the beach since it was a lovely day and the water was beautiful.. pretty sure I drove up and down west coast hwy/drv 4 times. That reminds me, I need to fill up the tank - hate it when it's empty and the light keeps flashing!!
Oh speaking of annoying things, the sound on my computer doesn't work! I got a friend to reformat my computer, it came back all good but it can't speak! It's missing like the Video Controller (VGA compatible) device and something other device thingamajig. Eh, I'll fix it soon cos I need music! iour97q3498264862312kjat7*%&**(EBG&*(BB (R97b75478467578sxm. Yeah.. my head hurts. I've worn my hair up til now since work and wow it really strained my head. Hurry up and grow longer!! I'm thinking about chopping it short when my fringe reaches my shoulders-ish. Either that or I just restyle my hair.. or just leave it long and ew, I'll just wait and see.
Less than two months until my 19th birthday, I'm not that excited about it anymore but I look forward to how things will be after I turn 19. Hopefully it's better than being 18. Mm.. think I'll wrap things up now.. wait - Three words, the title of this entry. Yeah, it's a song but it's related to me in many other three worded combinations. i.e. dirty lying cheat. Yep. I finally admit this to myself. I am a dirty lying cheat you know why? Because I did the dirty deed, I lied about it and I cheated. Ha - the complete opposite of the person I used to be. The person who had morals and beliefs which opposed those three. That believed those doings were bad, were wrong, were not to be done. Gosh, if only the "me" from then was here to slap the me today. Honestly, I've become my own monster.
Lady Gaga sings the words "he ate my heart" well I say to myself bitch you pretty much ate your own heart and spat it out. The pain you've caused is one of a kind, the most selfish act and hurtful of all. Not only to others but to yourself in the process, ffs use your academic brain and think outside the square for once. I'm sure you can do that since you're good at maths especially when it comes to algebra and trigonometry, wait sorry you're lacking some LOGIC. No wonder you were always border line in the top f ing maths units, pick up your pencil and learn from your mistakes, that's why the pencil has an eraser for crying out loud.
Yeah total self bitch slap in the face to myself with a bit common sense coming from my inner mathlete.
What have I gained out of this? Nothing but a reality check and a lesson in life. Tomorrow is a new day and it'll be better than today, just remember yesterday's lesson girl. Gonna go to bed before I turn into a zombie.
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
P.S. Take care and get plump lychee.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The end
Of summer.
(Sitting on my outdoor chair listening to music, under the stars and the moonlight.. I did not want it to end)
Lately I have been trying to even out my back-shoulders at the beach, but also trying to get fit by jogging at the beach and attending fitness classes. Speaking of the beach.. yesterday afternoon - best drive home ever! I was at Scarborough beach with my girls and left around 3 o'clock. I went down the west coast to go home instead of the inner roads and it was simply beautiful. The clear blue sky, bright yellow sun shining down on the sea and making it sparkle. If I was able to stop the world from spinning, it would be at that point in time.
What's new about me?
Nothing much really.. just been working and prepping for uni since the lunar/chinese new year festivities are over. I've got uni in two days! Pumped as but a little bit nervous.. that feeling you get before school starts again! Mm.. had a good night out with the girls last night, we were so crazyyyy but it was all worth it! Anything else? I've finally got a proper savings account so I can actually save money for my end of year trip and other things through out the year! OH AND!! I got my x-rays done for my wisdom teeth last week, hope that they'll yank it out during the holidays!
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
(Sitting on my outdoor chair listening to music, under the stars and the moonlight.. I did not want it to end)
Lately I have been trying to even out my back-shoulders at the beach, but also trying to get fit by jogging at the beach and attending fitness classes. Speaking of the beach.. yesterday afternoon - best drive home ever! I was at Scarborough beach with my girls and left around 3 o'clock. I went down the west coast to go home instead of the inner roads and it was simply beautiful. The clear blue sky, bright yellow sun shining down on the sea and making it sparkle. If I was able to stop the world from spinning, it would be at that point in time.
What's new about me?
Nothing much really.. just been working and prepping for uni since the lunar/chinese new year festivities are over. I've got uni in two days! Pumped as but a little bit nervous.. that feeling you get before school starts again! Mm.. had a good night out with the girls last night, we were so crazyyyy but it was all worth it! Anything else? I've finally got a proper savings account so I can actually save money for my end of year trip and other things through out the year! OH AND!! I got my x-rays done for my wisdom teeth last week, hope that they'll yank it out during the holidays!
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
Friday, February 5, 2010
Busy days
For me, last month and the first few days of February have been crazy! With celebrations and preparations everywhere, with Valentine's Day and Chinese/Lunar New Year being on the same day this year.. not that I care about Valentine's Day anyway!
This year some of the girls from my youth group are performing a dance for the New Year festival on the 19th and 20th of Feb. Dance rehearsals are taking up a few hours here and there but also instrument practice is too! Since the boys are lion dancing once again like always for every New Year festival. It's all so hectic and I haven't even bought my books for my second year of uni yet... AHH! (Okay... stop stressing... now.)
Today was lots of fun though, a chilled out day compared to my other days. I met up with a good friend of mine today aka "Fatwoman" at the galleria. She signed my passport form and we went to try on outfits we picked for each other and my, how they were cute! Haha, plenty of laughs like always with her! Oh, we're planning to go for a run/jog/walk/exercise/whatever you want to call it, up and down Jacob's ladder at King's Park this saturday morning then attend a couple of dance classes afterwards. Hopefully it all goes well and none of us end up rolling an ankle or something. We're also planning to go to the gym for a week soon, may that be successful and grow into something that we will do as a regular routine. Haha!
I think that's all in my brain at the moment.. oh I almost forgot! My anniversary with the boyfriend is coming up on the 19th which is O-day at UWA so I have to be present at the club stall and it's the first night of the New Year festival. I hope he doesn't have to wait too long for dinner with me afterwards. :S
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
P.S. I thought I'd give my blog a face lift since it's a new year!
This year some of the girls from my youth group are performing a dance for the New Year festival on the 19th and 20th of Feb. Dance rehearsals are taking up a few hours here and there but also instrument practice is too! Since the boys are lion dancing once again like always for every New Year festival. It's all so hectic and I haven't even bought my books for my second year of uni yet... AHH! (Okay... stop stressing... now.)
Today was lots of fun though, a chilled out day compared to my other days. I met up with a good friend of mine today aka "Fatwoman" at the galleria. She signed my passport form and we went to try on outfits we picked for each other and my, how they were cute! Haha, plenty of laughs like always with her! Oh, we're planning to go for a run/jog/walk/exercise/whatever you want to call it, up and down Jacob's ladder at King's Park this saturday morning then attend a couple of dance classes afterwards. Hopefully it all goes well and none of us end up rolling an ankle or something. We're also planning to go to the gym for a week soon, may that be successful and grow into something that we will do as a regular routine. Haha!
I think that's all in my brain at the moment.. oh I almost forgot! My anniversary with the boyfriend is coming up on the 19th which is O-day at UWA so I have to be present at the club stall and it's the first night of the New Year festival. I hope he doesn't have to wait too long for dinner with me afterwards. :S
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
P.S. I thought I'd give my blog a face lift since it's a new year!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The start of something new
2010
Happy New Year!
(And happy birthday to my someone special. You're 2 decades old!)
I have a feeling that this year is going to be a great but expensive year for me, nevertheless a fun year! I hope a new decade means better changes in the near future!
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
Happy New Year!
(And happy birthday to my someone special. You're 2 decades old!)
I have a feeling that this year is going to be a great but expensive year for me, nevertheless a fun year! I hope a new decade means better changes in the near future!
lychee flavoured. (_ _")zzZ
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