My starlight.

My boyfriend. My everything.

I miss him so much. It's been tough lately with our mid-semester tests and assignments in the way. I will try my hardest to be patient with love, but argh, I can only be patient for so long when I can't see my baby :(. Time really likes to test me doesn't it! We've had a few arguments and fights recently. They've been resolved and dealt with but I think to myself, what's the deal. Like why are we fighting. I know that in my shoes, I've done wrong by bringing up things and being a total angry bitch. I don't mean to but it's hard when Aunt Flow comes to visit and all those things build up inside. Like dude, he's apologized, move on already! But me being me, I was still upset and pissed him off. I should have stopped before I even started, because it resulted in things that were said out of anger and caused much hurt for the both of us. Sigh, we're so silly.

I really dislike the month of April. I've noticed a trend over the years and that the month of April is when we seem to fight the most. I don't know why but maybe it's something to do with our personalities, star signs and what not. I read through my old emails again, the ones in my [ST] folder. So many memories and yeah, it makes me grounded again. Whenever I miss him or feel upset.. I like to go through it. Just to remind me of who I was and who I am now, the girl he fell in love with and the person that I fell in love with.

You may not know this or believe it yourself bum, but you're a strong person with the biggest and warmest heart. I know that in the past there have been times that I didn't treat you right, but I know now, I know that I don't ever won't to do you wrong. I want to be with you, to have you by my side and love you for the rest of my life. I never want to lose you or be without you. You are my other half and my love for life. And I am getting way too mooshy right now that it's freaking me out, AH!
Back to the point, I never want to do anything to lose you or lose your trust or your love for that matter.

Today, when you said maybe you should have some time alone.. I was.. I don't know how to explain the feeling. I know now how you've felt in the past when I may have said that or ignored you and it is the worst.

I've always said that I want you to tell me everything and anything and to be open about everything and how you feel. Lately, maybe because we haven't seen each other or maybe because of the distance I've felt like that hasn't been the case. I want you to be able to confide in me and I want to be able to confide in you as well. After 5 years of knowing each other, you'd think we'd have it under control right? Wrong. It shouldn't be that difficult yet, it's easier said than done. I know that I have been honest with you with how I feel, feel about you and honest about everything since our last major dispute. I know that in the past, I was stupid to take you for granted but now I don't. I do appreciate you and trying to show you that I do. I don't know if you realise it but I am truly thankful for you. Ah.. Why do I feel like I want to cry zzZ

Gosh, I'm so emotional that it makes me sick.
I want to get into shape both physically and mentally, I want to be a stronger person, someone who doesn't cry over insults and other things when they're totally insignificant and not worth my time. Bleh.

This is just a short, but long post to jot down what I have been feeling over the past couple of weeks.
Anyways, I miss you and I love you.
I just want everything to be over so I can be with you. Must be patient!! But it's so hard when it comes to you. I want you with me all the time, whenever I can sigh. Can't be selfish now, but I just really miss you.

I miss going to sleep and waking up next to you, cuddling with you, going out and shopping with you, being with you and only you.. I love you so much. Just want to get away with you, it'll be so nice not to care about anything else. At times like these, I wish you were here with me..




I love you Steven Tran.